12 day lapse.
Mood:  down
Well, had a week+ of doctor's vists, creative insperation and other stuff. Yesterday I finally started with the preludes of my TF/TG d20 Modern game. Ended up better then expected. Have a few good players which makes me happy. I finshed makeing a map for them.

My FR game was postoned due needing to have a sleep study done. Next week they'll be face and evil I am going to throw. At them. Yes, I planned a bit, but not much more. They should handle it.

All in all, my GMing skills are inproving slowly and surelys, as are my interpersonally skills and my copeing with my conditions. Still don't understand them, but at least now I am truely starting to live with them. More on this later.

Happy Father's Day!

Slow day before a gameing session
Nothing much to say about to other then I had a theopy session, got a haircut, was caught in loads of traffic and not much else.

I am currently on the cusp of running the thrid session of my Forgotten realms D&D game. Got a new player bringing the total to 5. Should be fun. Was up latter lastnight working on a Legendary game character, possibly the most insane conspet I could think of, but it will be fun.

I'm still working on getting that TF game started. Other games are poping up. It summer again, so people are going to have more time, I hope atleast. No I am off to torment soem players.

6 months later.
I can't really belive it's been this long, but little has changed. Backproblems gone crititical and my semester has been literally nullified.

I am currently takeing a break from schooling to heal and work on the problems after this Blog was named. I'm lucky I guesss. Currently I am being treat by a specialist in Adult ADD and by a phycologist who works with him. So far there have been many improvements, one of them is me faceing a ghost of the past and so far so good.

Yesterday was the 40th annerversry of D-Day, may all those who gave the ultimate sacrfice then for what ever cause rest inn peace.

Today, I am going to be takeing a barrage of test by the office of that specalist I mentioned. I think I will announce some of the results when I get them. Should be ok, I don't think this Blog gets many hits, I dear say its a tad boring ;)

In other news, I am running an On-line FR D&D game off of GCP and am planning to start soon with a TF/TG trasformation based/themed d20 Modern game off of TG-TF Transformtion Games BB. Yep, found people with quirks simular to my own and starting a game. I also am in a IRL D&D game with some old buddies of mine. It fun, but parts of it are unsatisfying due to differing RP styles.

I will be updateing this far more often. Its a promise.

New year, new classes, new attituide and a clean slate.
Thing are on the upswing. I currently am trying to redem myself in the acdemic stance and so far been doing well at it, though I still have a few hurdles to over come. More later when I actully think of something more worthwhile.

4 days past still no go.
Well, I spent most of the past 4 sleeping and thuly didn't get what I needed done. I fear I am getting sick again, but no matter. In several hours I will be seeing my adviser and getting a form signed. Finally I am clean a slate, now I jsut need to clean my room, to stave off the worst of illness. God damned visious cycles. I just need to break this opne today. God be with me and anyone else who needs Him.

Another week more news. This time semi-positve
I see the light at the end of the tunnel and this time its not a train/ Nor is is heaven, but that's beside the point. Though I am still rather pissed about this shitty semester, I am working on means which I can erase it from my acedmic record! That fucking pneumonia that started this is actully working for me. Now if only I can make it to my acedmic adivsor and get a form signed as well as get the ok from Finacial Aid, I can properly clean the slate.

Lost in a sea of Bitterness, Adrift on a ocean of Doubt. Too many damn questions, no answers.
Had yet another migrine. Out of my migriane meds. Spent most of the weekend sleeping. Too much sleep, need to get stuff done. Accomplished one thing another eludes me. Hope linger, but emersed in neaagtivity. Need help, but all alone. Waiting is all I can do other htne one thing to do.

I think I am starting to get sick again. Feeling weak, feeling doomed. Need to speak with people, yet can't get out. I shouldn't be here, it shouldn't be now. Time is a everpresent foe. Why must we fight? Can't we work together? Why don't my plans work, why don't I follow through? Why all the bumps in the road and peralious footing? What the fuck went right May 2002? How can I recapture it? Who will tell me the answers I seek?

Start another day.
Head hurting due to mirgriane, forceibly suffering from sleep deprivation and wait for a unceartian day. What a way to start the fith day of the eleventh month. I really am bad at coeping with stresss and my Dysgraphia is bothering me to no end. More later.

Screwed up on Tuseday.
Got a migirain and overselpt then missed an appoint. Bad luck, howerver I have a first step of sending e-mail to profs. My next post should hold good news.

Another day, same screw ups
Its been six hour ssince my last post and I am currently missing classes. God knows why. Despiar I guess or maybe even a childish, "I don't want to do it because past things didn't go my way" thing. Really counterperductive. Its not a curse, at least not at the moment. I think its is just the resoult of self neglect with breeds slef neglect, the SOP of the past 3 years more or less. Why does this have to happen?

I really need to knuckle down and get in gear, but having the engine shuting down inches fro the starting line is not a way to run a race or life. Why do I do this to myself. I get no enjoyment out it and I can't find information about it within myself, though its not through a lack of serching. Maybe I've been going about things the wrong way. but if that was true then why can I see no other way? Why am I like this? Why can't I get answers? What next?